The what, why and how of anger management

 

Anger is one of the basic emotions of a human being. Even a most patient man get angry at times. So what makes people angry? What triggers the anger outburst? What is the psychology behind it? We will go through some of the common triggers of anger.

Given below are some of the reasons of anger.

  1. Frustration – If you are someone who is stuck in a bad relationship or in a job which is not giving any satisfaction to you or when you feel you are not getting the attention you deserve, you tend to become frustrated and it can lead to anger.
  2. Injustice – When you feel or see gross injustice being done to you or someone you care about, you are inclined to raise your voice. You will want to fight for justice.
  3. Mistreatment – You wouldn’t like someone treating you bad. You mostly end up reacting to it intensely.

Is anger good or bad? Why is anger management necessary?

Experiencing anger is not bad always. It’s an emotion we face almost everyday. While some act rationally towards it, there are others who behave quite irrationally when angered. Anger when responded to rationally can bring positive outcomes. It can even bring good to the society as a whole. One man’s (Mahatma Gandhi) positive approach on his anger, towards the oppressive rule by British Government, has ultimately won India’s freedom.

On the other hand an irrational reaction, like shouting at your colleague or a family member for spilling coffee on your desk by mistake, is not good. This is where Anger management becomes essential. Because unless you learn to manage your anger, you might end up making the situation worse than it already is. For some anger can be easily managed while for others it takes some practice. So we will now go through some techniques and small changes you can do in your life, to keep your anger in check.

Tips to help you with taming your temper

Make a note of the below actions you can apply to manage your anger effectively.

  1. Be aware of yourself –The first thing you need is to analyze the situations that make you angry. Think about your past, about your experiences. Figure out what and all had made you lose your temper in the past. And when you have identified your triggers, it’s easy to find ways to tackle them.
  2. Avoid the difficult situations consciously if possible – Once you have identified your triggers, next thing you can do is, try and avoid being in such a situation. For example, if you think that the direction in which a particular discussion is going, can possibly make you lose your calm, just get it diverted somehow. It doesn’t mean running away from your troubles. If it is something you have to face, you can always deal with it later. Better not face them when there is a possibility of you losing your temper.
  3. Take a small break – Suppose you end up in the middle of a difficult situation unawares, just try and take a pause. Don’t react. You can always keep a cool head with the help of simple techniques given below. Maybe you won’t get the results right away, just don’t be disheartened. Practice them for sometime. You will succeed soon.
  • Count to 10 – Yes you read it right. You have been hearing this from all sides and corners and it makes you think – does it really work? Well, the very fact that you have been hearing it many times, itself vouches for its effectiveness. So go ahead!
  • Take deep breaths – Breathing deeply really helps you in getting calm. And it actually works. Taking deep breaths has many other advantages also, like reducing stress, lowering heart rate and BP etc.  It’s because of these advantages that, in Yoga breathing exercises have a very important role.
  • Do not talk back – If you can’t trust yourself with talking without flaring up, if you know what comes out of your mouth might cause more trouble, isn’t it better to keep it shut? And there are some people who enjoy making others angry. Just for the fun of it. Don’t fall for the bait. Don’t give them the satisfaction of seeing you fall for their tricks. I can give you a very classic example. Don’t you feel irritated, when the guy in the next car keeps on honking while you are stuck in a traffic which is going nowhere? You must have shouted at him also, haven’t you? But usually such guys never care. On the other hand you end up affecting your own health.
  • Take a stroll or do some light exercise – Take a walk in the garden or just a few distance away from the place of distress. You can also engage in any kind of light exercise like a squeeze ball. When you physically exert yourself, your mind get relaxed. The pent up energy can be easily dissipated that way.
  • Listen to music – Music has magical powers when it comes to calming an agitated mind. Experiments have proved that. That is why workplaces have music playing lightly in the background.
  1. Respond instead of reacting – Reacting means doing something on the spur of the moment without giving proper thought to the effects of the action. A response is a well thought out action which makes your stand clear in a rational way. So whenever you feel angry take a pause, follow the tips in point 3. Think with a calm mind what would be the best way to respond. Then only act.
  2. Communicate effectively – That brings us to the next thing you need to implement. Effective communication. Once your mind is calm enough to have a proper conversation, face the situation. Have an open talk with the person who caused you distress. Tell him/her how his/her words or actions affected you. You might even find that, he himself is having issues or he could’ve been acting out of a misunderstanding. Having a good conversation with the other person and finding a solution together will help in strengthening your bond.
  3. Practice meditation and Yoga – It is proven, time and again, that meditation can do wonders with the mind. It will help you have a peaceful mind and will add deep meaning to your life. Yoga practices can strengthen your body. Together with meditation Yoga exercises helps in getting yourself aligned with nature. It will help you have a new, different perspective of life itself, which will change your response towards any situation in life, for the better.
  4. Talk to someone close – it could be a friend or a family member. Discuss your anger issues with them. Just acknowledging your problems itself gives you the will to take necessary corrective action. Opening up to someone who care for you, will also have the calming down effect. Knowing that someone is there for you to turn to, just to hear you out, helps you a lot.
  5. Be forgiving – Learn to let go of the hurt feelings and disappointments. You cannot gain anything by constantly wailing about the injustice being done to you. If there is nothing you can do to rectify them, let it go. Let you mind be free of them so that it can be put to better, productive and positive things.
  6. Get professional help – Finally, If none of the above seems to have enough calming effect on your anger, even after trying, do not delay in getting medical help. Because if you do not manage your anger effectively, it can lead to health issues in the long term. Never ever hesitate to get help. Do not feel ashamed about it or do not take it lightly. There is no shame in asking for help. You would only be doing good to you, your family and your society in the long run.

 

And so we reached the end of this article. We will conclude by quickly reflecting on the benefits of anger management.

  • It help you to have a stress free life.
  • It helps you maintain a healthy relationship with others, both personally and professionally.
  • You gain respect when people see that you are someone who can handle yourself gracefully in difficult situations.
  • Effective communication strengthens your bond with others.
  • When you channel your anger into good things, you could be helping in creating a better society
  • All of these together, will ultimately let you lead a healthy life.

 

Hope I could help you with some insights into how you can manage your anger effectively.

Looking forward to hear about your experiences. Please respond and post your opinions in the comments section below.

You can also watch the YouTube video of the article here.

Love

Tintu

 

 

 

 

 

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