Why do people get insecure?
Insecurity is the feeling of being inadequate about youself in some way. People, including you and me often go through periods of insecurity in life. There may be several factors that lead to it. Childhood experiences, lack of confidence/self-esteem, criticisms about you etc. can develop insecurities in you. Humans are social beings. We like to be accepted by our community, to be a part of our tribe. If anything poses as a possible threat in getting the acceptance we value the most, we tend to get insecure. There will not be anyone who has not had the taste of it at some point in their life. It’s just that some are good in dealing with it and some are not. While have insecurities at different points of life is normal, continuous feeling of insecurity will make your life difficult. Insecurities can ruin any relationship if left unattended.
We will go through some of the common mind blocks.
- Lack of faith in self: Most of us tend to be too hard on ourselves, much more than the people around us. We are our biggest criticizers. Having little or no faith in ourselves lead to insecurities. We always compare ourselves with other people. While it’s a good thing when you are in the path of bettering yourself, some might overdo it and end up feeling – “Oh! I’m not going to be good like them at all”. Once that feeling creeps in, we become disheartened to even try. The lack of confidence further gets the self-esteem down.
- Past experiences: They can be a big obstacle in our way. Our experiences, like a failure in a relationship or a project went bad, leave insecurities in our mind in such a way that we tend to think we are incapable of pulling it off a second time. We tend not to try it again for fear of failure once again. Bad experiences leave significant insecurities in our minds that will stand out more prominently than the good ones.
- Trying to be perfect: Some of us want everything we do to be perfect. Do our job perfectly, have a perfect relationship, be a perfect parent and so on. And if we feel there is something lacking in our efforts, it affects our peace of mind. We end up feeling bad about ourselves. It makes us insecure about not being able to present a perfect us to people. Often people who takes parenting as a serious business, will feel there is something lacking in their upbringing of their child, if the child is caught doing a mistake. Sometimes we get the blame from our spouses itself. But it could just be that the child never even realized what he/she doing is a mistake in the first place. Nothing that can’t be fixed with a good conversation with him/her. But we end up blaming ourselves. We end up feeling little about our efforts. It can lead you to have an unhappy and regretful life.
So how to get rid of feeling insecure?
- Be lenient on yourself: Start by being a bit lenient on yourself. Yes, you may not be the best at one thing. So what? You can always better yourself if you really want to. Never mind you don’t have the right skills now. You can always learn them easily and apply in your life. Remember, nothing good comes in life, without having put enough efforts. The people who are successful now are the ones who gave their best efforts in following their dreams and passions. And the first step to achieving your goal is to believe in yourself. Dig deep in your heart; find that uniqueness that sets you apart. Work on it and it will earn you the glory you deserve.
- Leave your past where it is: It is already in the past. You cannot change it now. So let it be where it is. Work on your present. You might have been looking out of shape in the past, but there is nothing or no one else stopping you from getting yourself together, except your mind blocks. Forget whatever negative comments anyone has passed on you in the past, forget that your last project was a total failure. Move forward with determination. Learn from your past experiences/mistakes. Make ways to improve yourself. You could’ve developed the skills needed in a later stage of your life. What is the harm in trying it out once again? Find out by doing instead of assuming that you are incapable. You have heard the story of King Robert and the Spider? As per the legend, the King of Scots had to go into hiding after his army was repeatedly defeated by the English army. He was hiding in a cave where he saw a spider attempting to spin a web. The spider fails each time it tries. But every time it fell down, it climbed right back up to try again, and finally it succeeded in spinning its web. King Robert was inspired by the persistence shown by the spider and he got back to fight the English and in the end finally won the independence of Scotland. Similarly, keep your efforts on. Learn from your failures and move forward. It will pay off in the end
- Accept the imperfections: No one can be perfect in life and that’s the beauty of being a human being. What matters most is the genuine effort that you put in to make your life and others around you happy. But not the expense of your own happiness. Be open to accept that everything that you do might not end up giving 100% results. You work with whatever you end up with and to the best of your ability. Something good will come out of it in the end, if your intention was good and pure. Learn not to be obsessed with being a perfectionist and you will be able to keep your insecurity in check. Your imperfections could be that which attracts people to you. So love your imperfections and let others admire you for it.
On a closing note I would like to share something Sadguru Jaggi Vasudev has said. Not verbatim, but here is the gist of it in my words.
You are here in this world for a very short period of time. You need to realize that you are a mortal and the mere realization will make you put your life in to the very best of use. You came in this world with nothing and you will leave it empty handed too. How you live in this world is what makes your life worth remembering. In this short life span you should rise and shine. It doesn’t matter if people notice you or not, all that matters is you are happy and contented within yourself. If people see you; and accept you for what you are with all your imperfections; good for them. If they don’t, it’s their loss. Understand this and live your life freely, learn from your past, make best use of your future and there will not be any insecurity left in your life.